What if…? (#2)

What if…McCain won the election in 2008?

I’ve got eight things that would be different. First of all, Sonya Sotomayor wouldn’t be headed to supreme court. Of course, there are no guarantees that David Souter would have retired had McCain won, but given that he announced his retirement so soon after Obama was elected, you have to think he was ready to call it quits. Second, there’d be a smaller, but still expensive stimulus bill. Given that McCain campaigned relentlessly on his fiscal conservative credentials, you might think he’d have opposed a stimulus. Not so. He proposed his own stimulus bill in the Senate that admittedly, was much heavier on tax cuts, but still had a hefty $421 billion price tag. Third, General Motors and Chrysler wouldn’t be government owned. Fourth, the Cap and Trade bill that passed the House is, at least for the moment, not making any headway in the Senate. Although it’s possible it will eventually pass, the odds are against it. The same couldn’t have been said had John McCain been President. For number five, say “hello” to amnesty (a period where offenders of the law and such aren’t punished for being meanies). The Democrats are understandably terrified of pushing amnesty during a recession with Obama’s approval numbers already plummeting. That’s why an amnesty bill probably won’t be seriously considered until 2011 at the earliest. Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that John McCain shares the Democrats’ fear. Sixth, socialized medicine probably wouldn’t be on America’s agenda. McCain did have some good ideas about improving health care, but they would have gone nowhere in a Democratic Congress and he would have vetoed a socialized medicine bill. Seventh, you’d be talking Republicans down off of ledges today. After the last four years of Bush, having another Republican President who paid little attention to the grassroots would have been incredibly demoralizing.

Finally, Sarah Palin would be Vice President. Enough said.

What if…dinosaurs were our next-door neighbors?

One of the biggest problems with dinosaurs existing in this day and age is whether human beings and dinosaurs are capable to live in harmony in the same environment. If humans today can manipulate animals that are over 100 times their own size (elephants, killer whales, you name it), why is it so difficult to believe that humans and dinosaurs could inhabit the earth at the same time? However, I purpose to different outcomes: either we train the dinosaurs to be our ride to school and work, or they eat us for lunch. I can’t really tell which.

What if…makeup didn’t exist?

What? No drag queens? I don’t know what that would be like, but there would be a lesser percentage of models and porn stars, since they’d have to go off their “natural beauty.”

What if…you just lost the game?

Aha, you just lost the game! Wait, DAMMIT!

What if…all females in the world were required to take part in Girls Gone Wild?

Everything would be censored. Everything.

What if…you didn’t have to go to medical school to become a doctor?

Then Nick Kim could perform solo surgeries all the time. In other words, if you ever needed a kidney transplant, just go ahead and die. It’s useless.

What if…there was another writer’s strike, but it was never-ending?

That would mean that new shows, like Pretty Little Liars, Happy Town, and The Deep End would never exist. New turning points in shows, like Meredith getting preggo in Grey’s Anatomy, would never have happened, so anything recent like that would have never happened. You see where I’m going with this?

What if…we were all sock monkeys?

Oh my goodness. The world would be SO awesome! Could you imagine tanning, or surgery? That’d be crazy!

What if…we were all the same?

If everyone were exactly the same we wouldn’t get along at all. Have you ever met anyone who is just like you? Who has the same bad habits, annoying mannerisms, little quirks, etc.? If everyone was the same, we’d all die. Variety and genetic diversity in humans compliments itself and aids the weaknesses of others. But if everyone was perfect, well, that would be existence such as flowers and other unconscious things, as everything is entirely determined.

What if…one color on the standard color wheel didn’t exist?

Let’s say, for example, the color red didn’t exist. There’d be no red firetrucks, they’d all be yellow or whatever. There wouldn’t be any red licorice or red apples or anything, not to mention that if one primary color didn’t exist (like red, yellow, or blue), then the two secondary colors it makes wouldn’t exist, either (i.e; red doesn’t exist, thus, it cannot make orange or purple). Now, if everything was one color, then refer back to the last question, only change it to “What if everything was the same”.

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What if…?

Are you sick of the glorious game of life that we play every day? Here’s a new one for you: I’ll say “What if…this happened,” and then I’ll give a somewhat logical and possibly lengthy explanation to what would happen if…that happened. :) Let’s get started. Nick Kim’s giving me all of the “What If’s,” by the way.

What if…we were in a nuclear war with Russia?

If we were at nuclear war with Russia, then a lot of you would be dead. We’d lose all of our nukes. Then California will get hit and Arnold Schwarzenegger will die and part of the state will break off and then Alaska will get hit and Sarah Palin will die, then it’ll break off and then those two states will go and chill with Hawaii. Yay.

What if…Al Gore became president in the year 2000?

Here’s a scenario for you: After an election too close to call, with a bitter battle over votes in Florida, a fractiously split Supreme Court stops the recount and declares Al Gore the 43rd president of the United States. We’d have a president who recognizes no constitutional limits on government authority – one who’d appoint a Janet-Reno-type attorney general to enforce his own concepts of morality on all of us. He wouldn’t have stopped any of the boondoggles of a spendthrift Congress. And he certainly wouldn’t be proposing to reduce government. And don’t even get me started on the terrorism thing. Can you imagine how Gore would have handled that?

He’d have seized on the September events as a way to boost his own poll numbers – the way Bill Clinton did by bombing Afghanistan and the Sudan. Worse yet, he’d be telling us that poverty is a principal cause of terrorism, using the crisis to promote massive increases in foreign aid – probably after consultation with some entertainment celebrity. If Al Gore had been elected, conservatives would be screaming bloody murder right now – protesting all the big-government policies. They’d have every foreign-policy decision under a microscope, instead of blindly cheering whatever the president does.

What if…life revolved around real Pokemon?

Well, let’s go through possible outcomes of this: Bellsprout would be walking along somebody’s lawn when, all of the sudden, it gets weed-wacked or mowed with the rest of the lawn. Lugia would be flying through the sky and choke on our poisoness CO2-filled atmosphere. Elekid would stick his electricity-conducting ear-like-things into the wall socket and hold on to the TV cable, so we can watch Jigglypuff on American Idol putting the entire audience to sleep. Snorlax would kick some major ass at sumo wrestling. Not to mention, pretty much all of them could turn into roadkill in seconds.

…and you thought I didn’t know anything about Pokemon.

What if…Steve Jobs was a crack addict?

iPods would look like sex toys. The end.

What if…we all went to Hogwarts?

We would totally be in the house Hufflepuff. With a name like that? Gotta be the stoner house. And on top of it Pomona Sprout, Professor of Herbology, is the Head of Hufflepuff House. I bet she grows some dank magical weed. J.K. Rowling, you sneaky woman. You thought no one would notice.

What if…I never created this blog?

Well, then, you wouldn’t be reading this, now would you? To tell you the truth, this blog has made me somewhat sane, so I’m not really sure what kind of nuthouse I’d end up at.

What if…Mars was habitable and contained sanitary water?

About 10% of the world’s population would go there and create housing. Two weeks later, they realize that it really isn’t habitable, and thus, they all die of suffocation, or…drinking Mexican water or something. Anyway, I hope all the terrorists go there. I wonder if it’d be like the place they’re sent to where they find 72 virgins or something. Ha…if it is 72 virgins, it’d be 72 virgin males all looking for the same thing.

What if…Charlie didn’t get the last golden ticket?

The movie would end where he heard about the person who got the last ticket, and he’d be a sad little boy. Then Charlie and the Chocolate Factory would be a short, depressing film that makes little children cry.

What if…we never bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki?

We’d all be dead, because they’d bomb us first.

What if…I wasn’t crazy?

…IMPOSSIBLE! I can’t even imagine that alternate reality.

Alright, so I’m thinking this is going to turn into a recurring thing. Ten questions, twice a month? Something like that…anyway. That’s life for you. Until I wonder again…catch ya on the flipside. -Rachael